Sunday, June 5, 2011

How Will Smith got Even Better

   Around yesterday, Will Smith was chosen.  He woke up one day in his Miami Beach/Los Angeles/Stockholm mansion to a familiar face: that of Morgan Freeman.  It took but a second for him to realize it was not Freeman himself, but God in Freeman's guise.
   "What up, God?" asked Will casually.  "Why you lookin' like Morgan Freeman, just 'cuz I'm black?"  He laughed.
   Morgan Freeman's always-soothing voice sounded, "Actually, Will, that's why I'm here. It has been decided that you no longer are."
   Will looked at Freeman, who was still smiling.  "What... what do you mean, God?" he stammered.  "What... I just... what? I've been black my whole life... how can something like that just change?"
   Freeman chuckled and patted Will on the shoulder, reassuring him.  "Don't misunderstand, Will. This is a good thing! No longer are you bound by the limits of race. Though it may take humans awhile to understand, you have transcended blackness. It was decided."
   "By who?"
   "The Council."  God snapped his fingers and three more figures materialized in Will's bedroom: Shaquille O'Neal, Pokemon player Joshua Henry, and Malcom the Burger King employee.  They took turns speaking.
   "Hey, Will, I know you must be busy," started Shaq, "but maybe if you're free one day you can come down to Peralta and we can play a game of one-on-one. Not that I expect to win or anything."
   Joshua was next.  "And hey, while you're there, you may as well trot over to Albuquerque so we can playtest. I dunno if you heard, but the next format is HGSS-on. The Chandelure from Red Collection is the nect BDIF."
   Malcom coughed before his turn.  "Hey Will," he began, "I'm sorry we got rid of the Buck Double, I know you liked it. We're bringing it back just for you, and here's a coupon that will let yu get them free. All day, Erryday."
   "Thanks for the offers," said Will, "but I'm already working on my next film. And also album."  He continued, "Actually, my kids'll be up soon and I gotta start the strenuous workout that I do everyday."
   But as the foursome of great black men started to leave, Will stopped them.  "Am... I the only one?" he asked God.
   God smiled and Freeman's wonderful voice boomed, "Oh, no. Bill Cosby, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Stevie Wonder, the list goes on. We're considering Li'l Wayne for next year, but we don't want him to stop using 'nigga' in his songs."

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